In my journey through life, my battle with recurring depression and chronic pain, and even just the day-to-day, life often feels like a tightrope walk. I plan my day. It includes things that MUST be done and some things that would be good to do. It rarely seems to include something I just want to do for fun. It may include interactions with family members, appointments, store clerks, acquaintances and friends. Yet, any one of these can throw off my balancing act if it doesn’t go smoothly. If an unkind word is spoken, if an appointment is missed, if a friend has no time for me, if a family member lets me down; all these and more can lead to a downhill spiral. If I’m feeling well and strong, these things are no biggie. But if I’m worn down by illness, fatigue, physical or mental pain, worry or anxiety, or just my old nemesis, “depression”, any little crosswind will knock me off my tightrope. So, what about MY safety net?
For a tightrope walker, the safety net is a strong, physical net, suspended above the floor below the tightrope. These nets are checked daily for holes or weak spots. It’s crucial that the safety net is in good repair. Falling into the safety net will save the tightrope walker from serious injury or even death.
We all have safety nets in our lives. It can be our faith in a higher being. It can be our inner resolve and courage. It can be the love of family or dear friends. It can be our health. It can be goals, talents and passions you have that move you forward. It can be duties or responsibilities to others. It CAN be all these and more. Each will give a safety net maximum strength. I cannot emphasize enough, though, that all these things need to be in good repair and working well.
One weak spot could be a serious setback. Many days are practice runs. There’s no performance; just me and the rope. But when someone is relying on me, counting on me to be there, THOSE DAYS do count. When I need to be strong, just for myself, THOSE days count too. And whether it’s a practice run or the big show, the safely net is critical at all times.
A few weeks ago I was blindsided by some of the darkest days I’ve ever experienced. It hit me as forcefully as a gale wind, and I couldn’t even tell you where it originated. Mentally, I was alone, afraid, and confused at where this came from. When I reached out for help, it was like grabbing onto a mist. There was very little substance there.
I’ve discovered that there are some weak spots or holes in my safety net. I had fallen and I found myself sitting under the net, looking up at the holes with pain and tears in my eyes, not knowing what to do. I know this may be an uncomfortable reality, but it is MY reality. I KNEW that I needed to get up, dust myself off, tend to my wounds so they would heal, and then get back up on the rope. But, for a time, I was paralyzed by the pain. And, with that pain, I realized that I was responsible for the maintenance of my safety net.
So, where does this lead me? How do I fix my safety net? Even though I don’t have ALL the answers, I’ve figured a few things out.
#1 - I need to bandage the wounds then move on. No more continual focus on the wound.
#2 - I need to ask for help from someone who truly cares. Harder than it sounds as you have to swallow some pride here.
#3 - I need to purge my life of negative people and influences. This would include social media and people who bring me down.
#4 - I need to continue to take care of myself physically.
#5 - I need to strengthen my faith in the healing power of the Savior atonement.
#6 - I need to serve others more. This lifts me up every time.
I am hoping that these things will work. I’m going to try, anyways.
We are all tightrope walkers, at one time or another. And we are definitely and especially a vital part of the safety net, both our own and our loved ones. And I think that’s more important than anything.
