It has been such a long while since I’ve blogged. Nevertheless, that doesn’t matter. Suffice it to say I am my own worst critic and enemy at times; a topic I want to get into here. Warning: long post ahead.
I’ve had many thoughts over the past months and wanted to express them, but I fear it may come out all jumbled. But I will make a start; As I was doing my daily study and meditation, I was struck by this thought; I have been looking for joy in the wrong places.
Before I jump fully into that thought, I’m going to share what led me here. For weeks, I have been pondering the whole concept of how we, as humans, try to present ourselves to others and to the world. We knock ourselves out trying to appear as perfect, without flaw, above any criticism from others. It tears us up when WE see the real us in the mirror, proverbial and otherwise. Too few of us are truly comfortable in our own skin. I fall smack-dab into the thick of this category. Which is a big cause for dissatisfaction and self-loathing in my life.
Yep, self-loathing is a strong word, but it’s the only word that suffices here. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. How many of us hates parts of us? I hate my eyebrows, I hate my flabby arms, I hate the rolls around my middle, I hate my thinning hair, I hate my nose, I hate my short thick legs, I hate that I am critical, I hate that I am not more talented, I hate, I hate, I hate. Why? Because I am not perfect. Because the world keeps trying to show me what IS perfect and I always fall short. And who IS perfect? Well, actually, no one.
Consider this; do you love anyone who is imperfect? Your best friend; are they perfect? Do you love them anyway? Your spouse; are they without flaw? Do you still love them? Can we fully love the whole person while hating the parts of that whole person? I think not. And I don’t think that we can FULLY love ourselves while hating parts of ourselves. A wise and revered woman has said, “We must have the courage to be IMPERFECT while striving for perfection”. Patricia Holland - courage to be imperfect
COURAGE to be imperfect?? Yes! It takes courage to accept that about yourself. It takes courage to present your wonderfully imperfect self to the world. It takes a ton of courage to allow others to see your flaws, your faults, and your trials. We’ve all got them. We are in good company. And, in a way, it’s a merciful comfort to know that we are not alone in our imperfect-ness.
Back to JOY and looking in the wrong places. I took on a quest a few years back to live more joyfully. Next year it was to “seek Joy”. I would seek joy in nature, in friendships, in family, in the little things around me. At the end of those years I had made progress in the habit of looking for the good things, but inside, I felt no different. I was still looking for JOY and rarely finding what my heart yearned for. I would catch glimpses of it, but it would dash away as quickly as I spied it.
And then, today, while studying and pondering, I had a “knock-me-flat epiphany. And here it is: We need to find JOY in ourselves. We are God’s greatest creation! Was that a cause of JOY for Him? Oh, I do think so! I feel certain that He looks at us and feels joy when we try to be kind and loving to others. I believe He feels joy when we excel and try our best. I can imagine His joy when we strive to be the best we can be. And, I am sure He grieves along with us when we don’t allow ourselves to be joyful because we are swamped in a mire of self-loathing because we are not perfect.
I have come to believe joy is intricately tied to our ability to accept and love ourselves with our bags full of flaws and faults. I am also convinced that Joy is found within us, not without. Not even our skin or our weight or our sculpted lips and eyebrows (pet peeve there). It is chiefly found in our hearts, in our minds, and in our ability to love, among other things.
So here is my new mantra, to be repeated each morning and night:
*I will find JOY in my ability to rise each day and greet the morning with gratitude.
*I will find JOY in a body that functions well, that can walk on a forest path, can smell the fragrance of a rose, can see the smile of a loved one, and that can take me places I want to go.
*I will find JOY in each ability and talent that I have been blessed to have.
*I will find JOY in the ability to think new thoughts and the ability to change for the better.
*I will find JOY each time I look in the mirror at the miracle that stands before me that is perfectly flawed.
*I will find JOY in serving others and loving them.
*I will find JOY in my God and in Jesus Christ, because they are the source of true JOY.
*and thanks for reading!!
