A Letter to my Mom

   May came and went while I was traveling.  While I gained much from my travels, I missed a few things.  I missed my daughters Master’s graduation and her birthday.  I missed a son’s birthday and I missed Mother’s day.  My mother’s day was spent on the island of Skye in Scotland, seeing Dunvegan castle, picnicking on the Quirang, walking up Old Man Storr, overlooking the Kilt Rocks and waterfall, and enjoying a wonderful dinner with new friends.  It was unconventional but lovely, nevertheless.  I did miss my children quite a bit on this day - half a world away.  And I found myself thinking about my own dear mother quite a bit.

  I loved my mom.  She had so many great traits and characteristics.  She always had a ready smile and was a great partner to a little mischief.  She loved a good joke and was quick to laugh.  I loved sitting down to visit with her as she was a wonderful listener.   She was not a perfect mom or grandmother, but who is?  That just didn’t matter as I knew deep down in my heart, that she tried her best and she did the best she knew how or was able.  As I am the age of a grandma (and an empty nester mom) I’ve been doing some deep thinking.   If I could talk to her right now, I’ve got a few things I’d love to say to her.  Since I can’t talk to her, I’m going to write her a letter.

Here’s how it will go:


Dear Mom, 
   You’ve been gone for just over 16 years.  I can’t believe that much time has passed since we last spoke over the phone.  I was impatient with you, and I’m sorry.  You kept repeating things, saying the same thing over and over, and I grew weary of it.  I used my exasperated voice and told you that you’d already told me that several times.  I wish I hadn’t been so in a hurry to get off the phone.  The next phone call I received from Tucson was your grandson telling me that you were gone.  Oh, if I could have those moments back with you.  I would have savored your every word and given you all the time you needed.  And I would tell you some things;
   Mom, thank you for never giving up while raising me.  Thanks for being firm with the things that mattered; things like being a good person, being honest, kind, trustworthy, and to have integrity.  Thanks for making sure I followed through on things.  Thanks for caring enough to make sure I got an education, that I worked hard, that I pursued interests and talents.  Thank you for teaching me about God and His love for me.  Thank you for helping me to be strong when things were tough.


   From you, Mom, I got my love of nature and my intense interest in finding out what things are and their names, like, flowers, trees, birds, and the list goes on.  I remember you telling me about weeds and their roots.  I’m sure you were trying to help me not loathe pulling weeds so much, but the lesson stuck.  I learned to respect nature from you and to leave things better than I had found them. 
 
 You had a big heart Mom.  Even now, I still have friends come to me and tell me how much you influenced them.  You were a girls camp director for years, and the impact you made is still ongoing.  So many young girls lives were changed for the better because of your “never give up” attitude.  Those girls became mothers and grandmothers, and now their progeny is still being affected due to your willingness to love and include these girls even when they were hard to love.


   I loved the way you loved my Dad.  You would tease and flirt and give him a hard time.  But you were always respectful of him and stood beside him.  I loved the way you’d laugh together and go off on little outings together.  When he bought a boat on the sly, you got a new swimsuit and just “jumped on board” by telling us we all needed to get chores done during the week because Saturdays would now be “let’s go to the lake” days.  Those are some great memories, those days spent waterskiing and picnicking at the lake.  They were full of the sound of your laughter and the sight of your happy smiles.

I am so grateful for the love you showed my children.  From sharing wedges of oranges with them when they were little, or taking them to McD’s for fries, or speeding up over the bumps on the road so it would tickle their tummies while they squealed with laughter, to sending them cute postcards of their favorite animal, and to supporting them in college and on missions.  There were so many other things you did for and taught my children.  You gave them a chance to love you and have that love returned.

One of the things I am most grateful for is your love for me.  Sometimes we didn’t get along.
 Usually my fault.  Sometimes we’d get angry with each other.  Again, my immaturity at fault.  Sometimes we did not meet each others expectations, which always led to disappointment and often to unkind words.  But through it all, the good and the not-so-good, I NEVER, EVER, doubted your love for me.  NEVER.  And when you left us and returned to your home in heaven, your perfect love is what I was left with in great abundance.  I was filled with, not only sadness, but with gratitude the day you passed, because I knew you had loved me the very best a mother could.  I was so grateful for the times that even when I let you down, when I was thoughtless and hurt you, when I was much less than perfect, YOU KEPT LOVING ME.  When all is said and done, that is what really matters.

  On this belated Mother’s day post, I honor my mother.  She gave me the 2 best gifts in this world.  Life and love.  There is no better.  Thanks Mom. I love you.