"DO - OVERS"

 IF I COULD DO OVER ALL THOSE YESTERDAYS

I believe that living with regrets is a huge waste of time.  Self-recrimination, the burdening of your soul, bashing yourself over the head;  all a waste of life.  I know.  I’ve spent lots of time doing this very thing.  And what did I get from it?  Many sleepless nights, ulcers, chronic illness, depression, frustration, anger; the list goes on and on.  I even think it’s stunted my emotional growth.  And it has made me avoid human interaction at times.  It’s true.  Sometimes I just don’t like people much.

Yes folks, hanging on to your regrets is a form of emotional self-mutilation.  That’s right, you heard me.  We figuratively “beat ourselves up” over all the things we did wrong, badly, or stupidly.  So, why do we regret things?  Can there be a purpose?  Yes ma’am! (or sir)  IF you can quickly chalk those regrets up to experience and turn it into a lesson learned, then you can let them go and move on.  Kind of like cleaning out the junk drawer or the junk closet at home; you know, the one you always cuss at because it’s so dang disorganized and messy? 
So, here is MY list of “Things I’d ‘Do-Over’ if I Could”.


 
1. I’d slow down just a tad.   As my very good friend, Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”.  We all know this is true.  Life, for me, seemed to really speed up once I hit adulthood.  There is something about being a kid and enjoying life; they are SO good at it!  But as we take on careers, responsibility, financial upward movement, family life and community involvement, this is the first thing to go - enjoying life.  So, what would I do over?  I’d savor the sound of my children’s voices; I’d play with them more and I’d reach over and take their hand one more time.  I’d ask them to tell me a story or something I didn’t know.  I’d take that road, less traveled, that I passed each day in my hurries.  I’d hike that trail I always wanted to hike, I’d stick my feet in the creek and splash.

I’d try to do the things that catch my fancy.  I’d go see that friend that I’ve been meaning to visit, before they’re gone.  I’d live in the moment more and make a lot less “to-do” lists!




2. I’d worry less.   Seriously, I could teach a 10 week course on “How TO Worry”.  Even as a child I was labeled a “worry-wart” by my mom.  I still do it.  And the only thing I get out of it is stress.  I worry about what might happen if “…”,  I worry about my family members, I worry about finances, I worry about not having enough time to do everything for everyone.
  And where has it gotten me?  Well, in all fairness, a bit of worry can move you to action.  BUT,  when “worry” fails to motivate you, when it begins to paralyze you; it is no longer your friend, it’s the enemy.  It steals your ability to look out from yourself and to REALLY see those around you.  It’s self-centered.  It causes you to snap at loved ones, to demand the impossible, to elevate your blood pressure, and to miss out on some pretty great things.  Things like:  peace, joy, inner strength, kindness, compassion….  And the list goes on.
 
3. I’d be more courageous.  Fear.  That great nemesis of us all.  It freezes us in our boots if we let it.  And, by golly, I have let it do just that!   I kept thinking, I’ll try that when I get older.  Well, guess what readers?  All you get as you get older without testing the waters, is greater fear and a larger variety of fears!  Here’s a sampling of my fears: afraid to hike alone (thank you hubby for that one), fear of going to a movie alone, fear of inconvenience or awkwardness, fear of exercise classes, fear of bodily injury, fear of asking for things, fear of showing my fat ankles, fear of disappointment, fear of confrontation, to name just a few.  And what has all this fear gotten me?  One word:  Lack.  Lack of enrichment, lack of personal growth, lack of physical stamina, lack of personal strength, and lack of ADVENTURE.  Due to the thoughtful gift of a sweet friend who knows I struggle with fear, I have begun to try new things.  Like, I tried Indian food for the first time. I made a new acquaintance, I am taking on a new venture (Days for Girls), I hiked a new trail BY MYSELF.  And what do I have to show for it?
 Just some worn out shoes, a big fat smile and a little less fear!!  I’ve even tried to not run away from confrontation or disagreements.  Not so many smiles there, that one is still really tough..
 
4. I’d be more honest.  Now, I’m not implying that I’m a “liar, liar, pants on fire”.  But sometimes I’m afraid to be real or AUTHENTIC.  It would be so refreshing to say what I think (with kindness, mind you) and to put myself out there the way I am.  No apologies, subterfuges, excuses or worries about what people might think of me. 

 I remember years and years ago, finding out that some peeps (barely acquaintances) had been talking bad about me.  Instead of feeling betrayed and hurt, I was shocked!!  I mean, who was I that they’d waste their time talking about me?  That should have taught me a big lesson; the lesson being that it doesn’t matter how well you dress, how smart you are, how perfect your hair or makeup is, how cute your boyfriend is or even just how good a person you are at heart.  People gonna talk.  And you can’t do nothin’ ‘bout it.  So, I’m trying to just be more honest about who I am, how I live my life, and what I say to folks.  Cuz in the end, it doesn't really matter if you try to impress anyone.  They will think what they think. Better to feel okay with yourself and know that you are who you are.
 

So, yeah, I'm not perfect.  I  I cuss a little and it feels good.  I drink too many sodas.  I have hang-ups and myriad faults.  I.  AM.  HUMAN.  There it is…!






5. I would love more freely.  I grew up in a family where I was pretty sure I was loved.  Most of the time. But, we rarely SAID those words OUT LOUD.
And touch wasn’t much of a thing.  Occasional hugs and pats on the back, leaning on a parents shoulder once in a while were the norm.   

  I married a very loving, touchy-feely, affectionate man.  He says “I love you” several times a day and always wants a hug.  So, instead of fighting it, I morphed. 


I liked that affection in my family.
But, I’ve always been cautious with those outside the immediate family circle.  I guess that’s a sign of the times we live in.  But, let's not talk about that.  I’m speaking about acts of love for everyone;  giving your beanie to a stranger, offering a kind word to a harried cashier, a helping hand to a distraught friend.  I’m talking about more than taking over a casserole or a plate of cookies, which are good things too.  I’m referring to the show of REAL love and caring to someone. 
  Outside my comfort zone?  OOOHHH YEAH!!  That fear of rejection is there.  But, real love, Christ-like love, charity,  does not think of itself.  Only of the person needing that love and kindness.  (I’m preaching to myself here)  Still working on this one too.


 

**So, there’s my SHORT list of things I would do over.  Good news is that it’s not too late to start.  I may look ancient, but there is still time for some, if not all, of these “do-overs”. 



Guess I’d better get crackin’ on that “junk drawer”.